The Tale of the Red Top

Saturday Morning

Today, my mom and I have made plans to go to the mall.  She’s had some birthday money for about a month and this is the first time she’s been motivated to go shopping.   She’s looking for a very specific thing…a red top, not just any red top…it has to be one that will match a certain red necklace and go with a certain gray suit. 

I am resistant to the whole idea…I know from past experience that shopping for just one particular thing can be SO frustrating, like looking for a needle in a haystack.  Not to mention that it is a hot, humid Texas day and everybody and his cousin will be at the mall trying to escape the heat.  Also, shopping is not usually my favorite thing to do.  Most of the time I see it as a ‘have to’ not a ‘get to’…just another chore in the long list of homemaking duties…I really need to be ‘in the mood’ to shop which I’m not today... admittedly not a great attitude.  But the truth is my mom asks for so very little and this is just one small way to bless her.   Though everything in me wants to stay home…I know this is what the Lord is asking me to do today…this is His will…so I really have no choice.

I read this quote last week….

“The things that Jesus did were of the most menial and commonplace order (referring to the time He washed His disciple’s feet) and this is an indication that it takes all God's power in me to do the most commonplace things in His way.”  Oswald Chambers

Most definitely, shopping is one of those ‘menial and commonplace’ things that I need all of God’s power in me to do His way…I get this in my head, but do I really understand it in my heart? 

Tuesday Morning

It’s taken me three days to process through the events of Saturday.  I needed to hear from the Lord first, before I shared anything…to get His perspective...

Our little shopping spree definitely got off to a rough start…  In fact it began every bit as frustrating as I had anticipated; we left late; the weather was miserable; the mall parking lot was packed…I forgot to grab the handicap placard, so I had to push my mom in her wheelchair to and from our parking space located a million miles away from the entrance..  The mall was so crowded that we ended up only going to two stores. As I wheeled my mom up and down over-stuffed isles, my eyes (on which my mother’s completely depend) scanned countless racks for any possible hint of red.  We had a goal and I was fixed on it.  Success for that day had only one definition – the perfect red top!  But for all my efforts, it was a fruitless endeavor.  We finally gave up and headed for the opposite side of town in hopes of less crowds and better results.   We must have looked like two chickens...one crippled...with our heads cut off!  And that would not have been too far from the truth...

The hardest part was the battle between my stubborn flesh and the Spirit that raged every step of the way…which I’m sure had everything to do with ignoring all morning that ‘still small voice’ calling me to surrender my resistant heart to the Lord BEFORE leaving the house…

On the third or fourth time loading the wheelchair into the trunk…sweaty, miserable and tired…patience worn thin, still no success and a couple of stops left to make…I finally broke down.  For the first time that day I found myself once again at the foot of the cross…what a long and weary journey avoiding Calvary Road turned out to be!  Hiding my face behind the lid, I tearfully whispered, “Lord, I’m so done!” 

At once, I began to understand what ‘His way’ really meant…little by little, in light of His grace and mercy things started to make sense and finally today I can verbalize it…

Thus says the LORD, who makes a way in the sea and a path through the mighty waters… Isaiah 43:16

 God’s ‘way’ is through the sea…God’s way is to take ordinary things and accomplish them in extraordinary ways.  There actually was a more direct and less cumbersome route from Egypt to Canaan than the Red Sea, but this was God’s way.   Why this way?  Because it was impossible for the Israelites to go it alone; they absolutely needed God to part the Red Sea so they could pass through to freedom on the other side. They also needed Him to bring the walls of water crashing down on their enemies at the perfect moment.  They had to trust Him every step of the way.  They had to walk by FAITH and not by sight. 

God’s way for me to shop on Saturday was to lead me to the Red Sea or Red Top in this case :-) to teach me to trust Him in all things great and small...which for some reason is so much harder...for the purpose of delivering me from the bondage of my flesh into the freedom of His Spirit while defeating my foes at the same time.  I had left my house on Saturday still in my pride…resistant yet stubbornly determined to succeed…to do my duty because that’s what I ‘had to do’.   I was going to swim that Red Sea if it was the last thing I did!  I was not trusting in God’s power to do His will, and I was not walking, or in this case shopping, by faith, no…I was totally shopping by sight…according to the flesh instead of the Spirit. 

In His kindness, the Lord led me to that moment of repentance behind the lid of my trunk where I could see my need, receive mercy and find grace at last.  God was leading, now I would follow. I knew in an instant where to go...where to find the red top.  There was even ‘a sense’ that I would not have to hunt down every red garment in the store, but that the right one would be in plain view the moment we walked in the door.  With new hope, strengthen faith and fresh energy we headed to the store.  There hanging right on one of the front racks was the perfect red top in all its fashion glory!  So certain we were of its perfectness, that my mom bought it without even trying it on! 

As perfect a gift as that red top turned out to be for my mother, it does not hold a candle to the perfect gift the Lord gave to me that day…another glimpse of His glory to bolster my feeble faith!  Oh, how vast and rich is God’s mercy…to be so kind to undeserving souls... How patient He is to let me go my own way, get stuck in my own mess, then use the very trials I brought on myself to refine my faith in desperately needed ways!  And how sufficient is His grace to perfect His power in me through my weakness!  Oh what lengths He goes to show me His unfailing love!

All for Jesus,
Sheila

At the Cross

                   At the Cross

Where can I take my guilt and shame?

Where can I be washed clean again?

Where can I lay the old life down? 

Where does eternal life begin? 

At the Cross!  At Calvary’s tree!

Where Jesus gave His life for me!

Where do I cease from fruitless works?

Where do I find the rest He gives?

Where does transformation take place?

Where is my life exchanged for His?

At the Cross!  At Calvary’s tree!

Where Jesus gave His life for me!

Where is mercy freely given?

Where do I hear God’s Word speaking?

Where do I find strength for living?

Where’s the Spirit’s faithful leading?

At the Cross!  At Calvary’s tree!

Where Jesus gave His life for me!

Face to the ground, weeping in grief;

Praises mounting on bended knee;

Standing up with hands lifted high;

All surrendered; this place I die.

Crucified with Him, no more strife;

I rise again redeemed for life.

No longer mine but His to claim;

By faith I live in Jesus name.

Why would I look anywhere else?

Why would I wander from this place?

Who in heaven have I but Thee?

Where on earth can I find such grace?

At the Cross!  At Calvary’s tree!

Where Jesus gave His life for me!

A Mirror Image

“"I have given you an example that ye should do as I have done to you." (Jn.13:15)  Watch the kind of people God brings around you, and you will be humiliated to find that this is His way of revealing to you the kind of person you have been to Him. Now, He says, exhibit to that one exactly what I have shown to you.”  Oswald Chambers


This little challenge popped off the pages of My Utmost for His Highest recently, immediately grabbing my attention.  I like watching people…it’s something I actually do pretty well, though I admit my motives are sometimes questionable :-)  This was not a totally new concept to me either. In the past, the Lord has often held a mirror up when I’m judging others in order to expose my own sin.  Interesting how my sin always looks so much worse on other people...why is that?  Anyway, this challenge took ‘looking into a mirror’ to a whole new level and I was excited see how the He would use it.


The Holy Spirit wasted no time reminding me of a loved one, who shall remain nameless, who tends to berate herself in moments of extreme frustration.  She says things like, “I’m such a mess!” or “I’m hopeless!” but never really specifies her need or asks for help. The truth is, when she’s in that state of mind, she doesn’t even know what she needs, or how to ask for it.   Sadly, my typical response is to get frustrated or even throw my hands up and leave the room.    


As I was pondering this ongoing dilemma, the Lord began nudging me with thoughts like, “Daughter, that’s you with Me. So often, you come to the cross confessing your sin, complaining about your weaknesses but you don’t ask for what you need…many times you don’t even know what you need.  You cry and throw little fits but you don't come boldly to the throne to find grace to help.  How do I respond to you in those times?  Do I get frustrated or throw up My hands and leave?  Or do I love and help you anyway?” 


Well, just like Mr. Chambers predicted, I was humiliated by what this 'mirror' revealed.  But now with the veil removed from my face, the riches of the glory of God's grace begin to come into focus...just a glimpse mind you, only a preview of things to come, but His glory nonetheless! 

  But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory,
just as by the Spirit of the Lord.

2 Corinthians 3:18

Oh the Wonderful Cross!

September 13, 2010




Yesterday at church, we began a new study in the Book of Galatians. The first message in the series was entitled “The Cross Delivers from Sin".  As I sat listening to our Pastor’s exposition of Galatians 1:3-4, “Grace to you and peace from God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for our sins, that He might deliver us from this present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father," I started thinking about the oppressive circumstances of my daily existence and suddenly became overwhelmed with a sense of utter hopelessness. As a 30 year believer in Jesus Christ, who has not only heard, but found strength in these words or words like them in countless times past, I was shocked to discover at that moment, that I could not grasp their meaning or see how they applied to my current situation.



Just a little background… In February, my 84 year old mother came to live with me and my husband in our cozy little home in Flower Mound, Texas. Once a vital, energetic and active member of her community, my mom is now restricted to a sedentary life, in a new town, living far from friends, while suffering daily with the side-effects of multiple strokes and macular degeneration.



Two years ago, when it became apparent that Mom was no longer able to live alone, my sister invited her to live in Las Cruses, New Mexico with her.  That lasted about 11 months... At a point of utter exasperation, my sister called me with a desperate plea to take Mom off her hands. The truth is I would have taken my mother from the beginning, but our empty-nester life had been turned upside down by the recent real estate crash in California.  We were unsettled and caught in the process of figuring out our next step, which ultimately would lead us to relocate in Texas. Assuming my mom was settled for the rest of her life with my sister, we moved into an affordable home…a little 3/2 house, comfortable enough for the two of us and room enough for the occasional guests we hoped would arrive in droves.  Even though we have one daughter and her family living here in Texas, we left behind our 3 other kids and their families in California….but that’s a whole other story to be shared another day…



In a nut shell, most days I’m blessed have my mom living with me and I am grateful to help and give back to her some of what she gave to me. She was a wonderful mother, who dedicated her life to loving and caring for her own family. She and I have always had a great relationship…we share a mutual faith, open communication and like-minded values, but she has entered into a new season of her life and as a result, so have I. In this new season we find our relationship challenged in new and unexpected ways. Her life was dramatically altered over the last four years, ending up in a place she never anticipated nor would have chosen for herself, and so naturally she struggles with acceptance. My life has been dramatically altered as well over the last 4 years, and I too have ended up in a place that I had never anticipated, nor would have chosen for myself.  I am also struggling with acceptance…great combination, huh? What is God thinking? Well, we know His thoughts are not like ours at all...



Mom has good days and bad days…and last week, which led up to my Sunday morning ‘crash and burn’ was one bad day all week! Lack of sleep and constant pain made Mom’s reality unbearable for her and in turn became my burden to bear. Mentally, I toyed with the ‘what ifs’, physically I battled with inertia, and spiritually I was oppressed. My flesh headed down the road it always does with self-pity, discontentment and murmuring paving the way. And I, like a fool, jumped on board for the ride which of course ended in the same place it always does...a pit of miry clay... Will I ever learn?



By Sunday morning I was exhausted and weary, wondering how in the world, the Cross of Jesus Christ could possibly deliver me out of this “present evil age”. Even just thinking about going home filled me with dread...the oppressiveness of my mother’s burdens, coupled with my inability to make things better for her seemed overwhelming and so wrong! Sadly with no possibility of circumstances changing in the near future, my faith waned in the One who suffered the Cross to deliver me from evil.  I could see no way out.



In that moment, I broke. My heart burst open, my eyes welled up, and a silent cry for help emanated deep within. Then in the flash, I understood something I’d failed to recognize in all the misery of the week before. Like a lightening bolt, the truth pierced my heart, penetrating clouds of confusion and despair and finding its way into that broken, fertile ground. I suddenly understood that the difficult circumstances are not the ‘present evil’ I need to be delivered from. The evil from which I need to be delivered is my selfish, unloving attitude…my sin - the evil that “is present with me.” With this realization, came the understanding that as helpless as I am to change my circumstances, I am equally as helpless to change my reactions to them. I can try and try all day long to change myself but I will always fail.  So now what?



Blessed relief!  It happened... He brought me up out of the horrible pit, out of the miry clay and set my feet upon the Rock! Once again I could see the light of day...the passage in Galatians coming into focus… Oh the Cross, oh the wonderful Cross ‘bids me come and die and find that I might truly live.” So with the Cross before me, I came, confessing my sin to Jesus, and He delivered me from it in that moment! I was free!  The oppression was gone!  You may ask, “Can it really be that simple?” Yes, it really is that simple! That doesn’t mean I won’t be tempted again or even possibly fall into the same snare, but hopefully, the next time, I’ll be wiser, recognize the sin sooner and should I wander, get myself back to the cross faster. Like I said, simple…but not easy…the hardest part is always going to be recognizing the sin in all its many trappings and forms...but then that really is what this blog is all about…

All for Jesus,
Sheila